Aboard Providence Read online

  She stared at him for a moment, expressionless. Slowly, she pulled her hand away. “Have you told your parents yet? About your logical plans?”

  He had always expected that the day he poured his heart out to a woman, she would smile and swoon, but Marian had only pulled her hand away and asked questions. His classmates used to brag about employing tricks to gain a woman’s affections, but any tactic to gain Marian’s heart seemed repulsive. He shifted toward her. “No, I have not told them yet, but—”

  “Does Mr. Weathermon know Captain Frakes’ plan?” she asked. When he only shook his head, Marian gave a disapproving hum. “I’m flattered—beyond flattered—that you want me in your life. I admire you as well. That might be unladylike to confess, but it’s true. Still, there are too many secrets and too many unknowns for me to agree to leave my family and the settlement. I’ve longed for this adventure.” She let out a frustrated chuckle. “We don’t even know where—”

  Jonah put up a hand silencing her. “Then don’t answer me now. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. You’ve just come out of this ordeal with your mother. The last thing I want to do is place another encumbrance on you. You’ve kept my secret and now I’ve given you Captain Frakes’ secret too. I’m sorry if I’m putting too much on you. I don’t want to burden you. I want to take away your burdens and give you all that you deserve. I could give you so much more in America than I could in some remote island off the South American coast. You deserve to be loved and appreciated and protected. I could give you all of that and all that my family left behind if you’d just return to America with me.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but he feared a rejection, so he kept talking. “Don’t answer now. Please. But will you meet me again… up here? This is nice… being here alone with you. Meet me here again tomorrow.”

  “I will try.” She grinned and the little shadow beneath her bottom lip made him want to kiss her, but he would not. Not tonight.

  Chapter Eleven

  Reverend Colburn finished the Sunday morning service with a prayer. While everyone else had their heads obediently bowed, Jonah opened his eyes. He shifted his weight on the hard bench seat and scanned the faces of the praying group. Though he believed the fervent prayer of a righteous man availed much, after seventy-nine days at sea—sixty-seven of those days spent trapped beneath cloud cover—he wondered if any of the men aboard the ship were righteous because their fervent prayers had yet to avail the clear sky they continually begged God to provide.

  Jonah studied the respectful congregation as they prayed. The Vestal family was sitting toward the ship’s bow. Mr. Vestal, once an orchard owner, had bags of seeds and dormant saplings down in the hold beside Mrs. Vestal’s pottery wheel. Their four children were settled in front of them on the deck.

  Beside them, Mr. and Mrs. Cotter were on a bench with their seven children seated in a cluster nearby. Peggy Cotter, their eldest, was examining her fingernails, but the rest appeared to be sincerely praying.

  The Roberts family was to their left. Mr. Roberts’ printing press was stored in the bow of the hold. It had taken four men to steady the press on the lift they rigged when they loaded the cargo in Virginia. Now they might never get the chance to open the cargo hatches and unload the press from the ship.

  Mr. and Mrs. McIntosh were on a bench with Gabriel squatting beside them and their four younger children sitting on the deck. Gabriel had a hand to his forehead, making Jonah wonder if he was praying or shielding his eyes. It struck him how little he knew Gabriel as a man, considering they had shared a school desk for five years as children. If Jonah were planning to stay with these people, he would rekindle their friendship, but as it was, he was trying not to deepen any attachments; it would be hard enough to leave his family… and Marian, if she chose not to go with him. His longing to stay with the group grew daily.

  Mrs. Owens was perched on the next bench with Olivia beside her. Mr. Owens, a mason by trade, stood behind them, one hand on his wife’s shoulder as they prayed. Their five other children were huddled together like a litter of puppies on the deck.

  Mrs. Colburn sat at the end of the bench, while her husband concluded his sermon. All six of the Colburn children were sitting cross-legged on the deck, waiting for their father to say amen.

  Catherine Foster was sitting on the bench amidships, cradling the baby in the crook of her arm, while Mr. Foster and Marian stood behind her. Though Jonah had waited on that very bench every night for Marian, she had yet to meet him again. He consoled his desperate heart by believing she was helping her mother with the baby or tired or felt meeting him at night would be inappropriate. Still, her nightly absence stung.

  Benjamin and Cecelia were sitting on the bench near Catherine. Benjamin’s eyes were closed, but on second glance, Jonah realized Marian’s brother was actually asleep.

  Jonah glanced at his family, who were sitting beside him. His father leaned forward on his cane while he prayed, and his mother had her hands folded properly. His three younger brothers were sitting on the deck, but little Sarah was on the bench, nestled as close to him as she could get. She had her eyes squeezed shut and her head leaning against him. He wrapped his arm around her and prayed God would let her grow up on land—any land—just so long as they could get off this ship soon.

  As the reverend continued his prayer and thanked God for more than Jonah would have ever thought of, a breeze whistled through the ropes. Marian, standing with her family across the deck, looked up. When her gaze met Jonah’s, he grinned at her. She gave a slight smile and then closed her eyes again.

  Reverend Colburn concluded his prayer and as the group stood to sing The Doxology, fresh rays of sunlight spilled across the ship’s deck, igniting awes and laughter, which added unorthodox jubilation to the ancient hymn.

  Jonah stared up at the glorious blue sky beyond the parting clouds. The light made him squint. It seemed like years since his eyes had seen that blue. He thought he might never look away.

  Sarah pulled on his arm. “Look, Jonah, look! The clouds are parting!”

  “I’m looking.” He laughed.

  His mother and brothers cheered and Sarah jumped into his arms. His father leaned on his cane, smiling. Jonah kissed Sarah’s cheek and she giggled at his whiskers. His family’s palpable happiness surpassed his own because of their differing plans.

  All aboard the Providence might get what they dreamed of after all: the group a new land and he a chance to sail home. He wished he could be happy with them for the same reasons—that he could stay with them, with all of them, but he couldn’t. He had to do the right thing and clear his name and earn his degree.

  The reverend kissed Mrs. Colburn and then dropped to his knees, thanking God for clearing the sky. Mr. Foster disappeared below deck and returned with his violin. Dressed in their Sunday best, the families danced and sang on Providence’s sunny deck.

  As the notes of a jig rang out across the deck, the captain and Mr. Weathermon emerged from the sterncastle. Captain Frakes gyrated in a dance that made him look like he was sawing a log.

  Jonah caught Marian’s eye through the sunlit celebration. She was holding the week old baby, swaying as her father played his violin and her mother clapped and sang. Marian looked beautiful in the sunlight. He had seen her in clouds for so long he almost forgot how golden her hair was. With her healthy baby brother in her arms and her face in the sun, she was the most carefree he had ever seen her. It would embarrass her if he went to her now in front of everyone and took her hand, but in this one moment her fingers wouldn’t be trembling, and if they were it would be from happy excitement rather than suppressed fear. No matter where they ended up, he would always remember her like this.

  Captain Frakes waved Jonah over to the ship’s wheel where he and Mr. Weathermon were conferring. The captain swirled one finger toward the sky. “It looks like you’ll get your wish after all, Jonah. Luck is smiling upon us.”

  Jonah shook his head at the captain’s ignorance o
f God’s sovereignty. He glanced up at the sky. The blue seemed close enough to touch. “It was more than a wish and this is more than luck.”

  Mr. Weathermon chuckled at him. “You’re just like your father.”

  “That might be the greatest compliment I’ve ever received.”

  As the steady and welcome breeze blew the remaining clouds farther to the horizon, Reverend Colburn joined them at the wheel. “Have you any estimate of our location, gentlemen?”

  Mr. Weathermon sent the reverend a sour look. “Let us enjoy the sun on our skin for a moment, before you bombard us with questions, please.”

  Captain Frakes stepped around the wheel and put his hand on Reverend Colburn’s shoulder. “It’s just that since the compass is broken we can’t estimate our location until the stars come out tonight.” He hooked his thumbs in his suspenders. “We’ll use this wind today, though. Give the men a few moments to celebrate with their families and then we will go to full sail. This is a steady wind, dead aft. Our position doesn’t matter so much to me today that I’ll waste this perfect wind. I suspect we’ve drifted south far enough, so we’ll spend the day sailing west.”

  Reverend Colburn nodded at Captain Frakes. “Thank you, Captain.” He glanced at Mr. Weathermon. “Do pardon my questions, Mr. Weathermon. I am the leader of these people and when the music ends they will immediately press me for answers. And rightly so, today is our seventy-ninth day at sea. Mr. Vestal kindly reminded me the Mayflower was only at sea sixty-five.”

  “Yes,” Mr. Weathermon boomed, his sweaty forehead gleaming in the sunshine. “But the Mayflower had twice the passenger count and half the space we do.”

  Reverend Colburn nodded. “So good of you to remind us, sir, that God has provided us with more than we deserve.” The reverend’s voice maintained its patient and friendly tone no matter what sardonic expression Mr. Weathermon gave him.

  Reverend Colburn was the overseer of the migration and had to suffer a captain who couldn’t chart below the twentieth parallel and a ship’s owner who did not share the group’s faith but assumed he had authority. Jonah shook his head, marveling at the reverend’s gracious demeanor and how it had held steady thus far. The reverend walked away. Mr. Weathermon wiped his sweaty brow and climbed the steps to the telescope on the deck above the sterncastle.

  Captain Frakes leaned closed to Jonah. “We’ll be at the telescope all night tonight. I’ll have you to port in no time, my boy.”

  * * *

  By late afternoon Marian had grown used to squinting from the sunshine above deck. Most of the ladies had gone below after cleaning up from the noon meal and had taken their children with them to rest, but Marian felt weightless. She sat on a bench in the sunshine at the ship’s bow and sipped a cup of tea, no longer worried by her mother’s pregnancy and the fear of the family losing another child. She wanted to stay topside until the sun went down. The warm salty air filled her lungs and she hummed as she let it out.

  “I thought I saw you sneak up here,” Olivia said, her shadow blocking the warm sunrays.

  Marian peeked one eye open and grinned. “I didn’t have to sneak at all. There are more women to take care of the baby than diapers to change. And there are no extra chores on Sundays. No one is looking for me, and I’m not ashamed confessing to you it feels wonderful.”

  “The women are all so delighted to have a baby to take care of,” Olivia said, as she sat beside Marian on the bench. “And your mother is the happiest I’ve ever seen her. You deserve a break.”

  Marian lifted her face to the sun and closed her eyes. The men had set the sails and the sound of the wind in the canvas produced a soft music she had missed. Her peace held steady despite the ship’s motion as it bobbed on the waves and despite the sinking feeling of being in love with a man whose plans differed from hers. She immediately opened her eyes. The bench faced the open sea in front of the ship, so she twisted to glance back at the masts and the men, hoping to see Jonah. Instead, she noticed Ben standing near the rail. He tossed something overboard then planted both hands on the rail and leaned over, looking down.

  There went her peace.

  She blocked the sun from her eyes with her hand. “What is he doing?”

  Olivia’s eyes were closed, as she too was absorbing the sunlight. “Who?”

  “My devious little brother.” She shifted to see him better through the ropes in her line of vision. “I think it was a stick or something, but I didn’t get a good look.”

  “I dare not guess knowing that boy,” Olivia tossed her black braid over her shoulder. “I can hardly get him to do his schoolwork. He’s been peevish since Mr. Cotter had to slaughter the oxen.”

  “Mr. Cotter brought the calves aboard thinking we’d only be at sea two weeks, maybe three. The oxen were growing quickly and were eating too much of the feed. My father has explained that to Benjamin a half dozen times.”

  Olivia shrugged. “He’s quit complaining about it, but now he just sulks about, even more sullen than usual.”

  Marian felt responsible for Ben’s behavior. She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled over the pleasant sounds of the sails. “Ben! Ben!”

  Finally he looked at her. She waved for him to come over, but he stood motionless, eyes wide. For a moment, she thought he was about to run away, but then he dropped his head and padded toward her.

  “Did you throw something overboard?”

  Ben rumpled his freckled forehead. “No.”

  “I saw you.” When he said nothing, Marian blew out a breath. She didn’t care if her brother was being naughty; she only wanted her peaceful moment back. “Whatever it was, don’t do it again. We need every bit of kindling for the stove. Do you understand?”

  Ben didn’t answer, but only pursed his lips tightly, producing a white ring as if he had no lips at all. After sending her a venomous glare, he huffed and stomped away.

  As he descended the stairs and disappeared from the deck, she felt relief, but when she spotted Jonah across the deck, her peace was replaced with the anxious longing of impossible infatuation. She watched him as he stood near his father at the telescope.

  Olivia propped an elbow on the back of the bench. “Do you love him?”

  “What? No,” Marian answered with reflexive denial, but a quick glance at her best friend’s expression told her she was as caught in her intrigue as Benjamin had been in his mischief. “Yes, I do… at least I’m falling in love.”

  Olivia fixed her gaze on the men at the ropes. “What does that feel like?”

  “Surely you jest. Hasn’t every woman fallen in love at least once by eighteen?”

  Olivia frowned.

  Though they had shared whispers about boys during their school years, Marian could not recall ever seeing Olivia truly intrigued with anyone. No matter how pleasurably miserable falling in love made Marian feel, she pitied Olivia for never having felt it.

  She looked back at Jonah and her heart picked up its pace with uncanny thumps, the kind that usually meant there could be trouble, like when she had to walk outside in the dark at night or when she inhaled a sip of water instead of swallowing it. “I don’t know. It’s a happy notion but a terrifying feeling and it changes with my thoughts. If I think about Jonah, his kindness, his intelligence, the way he looks at me when we are alone, then falling in love takes on a pleasant sweetness that makes me want to surrender my life to his happiness. If I think about our circumstances, I’m overcome with an exquisite misery and I try to push aside my love for him.”

  “Does that work?”

  “No.” Marian straightened her body to look at the endless sea ahead of the ship. “He only made it worse last week by telling me he has feelings for me.”

  “Are you going to go back to America with him?”

  Marian snapped her head toward Olivia. “Who told you he’s going back?”

  Olivia grinned. “No one. I’ve just wondered. Before the group made plans to sail away, the Ashtons always spoke with pride about J
onah’s academic accomplishments. I know he had plans for a career in Philadelphia after college. At first I thought it was good for him to leave college and go with us, but he doesn’t seem happy. He’s kept to himself this entire voyage. He stays in the captain’s cabin most of the time—”

  “Because he is the ship’s physician.”

  “…and he’s always reading his college books.”

  Marian turned the empty teacup around and around in her hands. “Please don’t tell anyone. You’re right: he never intended to sail with us in the first place. He’s only here for his father. When we make landfall, he’s returning to America and yes, he asked me to go with him. He hasn’t even told his family yet.”

  Olivia fidgeted with the end of her braid. “Are you going to go?”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “I will miss you, of course, but if you and Jonah are in love and want to be together, then you shouldn’t let the chance slip away.”

  “But I want to help build the new settlement and I want to make discoveries in a new land. I feel like my life is waiting for me there. I do admire Jonah and I find his work intriguing. If I went back with him, I suppose I could assist him just as Mrs. Ashton helps Doctor Ashton. It would be interesting work and I’d feel like I was doing something worthwhile. But when I think of leaving my family…”

  Olivia waved a hand. “Your family would be sad to see you go, but they will be fine. Your mother has a healthy baby and your father is occupied with his work with the animals. Cecelia will grow up and marry one of these boys, and Benjamin… well he will keep the elders busy, I’m sure. But they would all want you to be happy. Would you be happy with Jonah?”